Bird on a Wire

I was into this movie when it came out in 1990-- perhaps because I was still glowing from "Lethal Weapon 2" thinking this was almost a follow-up. Parts of it are laughable, but this is another one of those movies that just can't seem to make up their mind on what kind of genre they are (these kind of films come out every 10 years--i.e.: "We're No Angels", "Nurse Betty"), therefore, the film just isn't as enjoyable, seeming contrived as if it were written by a committee. This was on cable last week when I was flipping through the channels when I watched about five minutes. I turned it off more or so because of how fricken ANNOYING Goldie Hawn was! I'm glad she's in hiding/hibernation now, because she puts up the same, annoying shtick in every movie! Her daughter isn't even that annoying. But suffice to say, this was a pretty entertaining but extremely implausible and lame-o, forgettable movie. You can see Mel Gibson got a great check from this since he was a pretty bankable action star in his prime in those days. If I write any more about this, my teeth will start hurting...See it on cable so you can turn the channel at any moment. It'll make the movie a whole lot better! 3/10

Rick Jarmin, who in the FBI witness protection program, is working in a Detroit gas station under an assumed name. Things are going well until old flame Marianne Graves pulls up and recognises him. He calls the FBI to get relocated but learns his handler has retired. The replacement promises to help but quickly shows himself to be corrupt as he passes Rick's details to two corrupt ex-DEA agents; one who is still wanted the other who has just finished a fifteen year jail sentence thanks to Rick's testimony. The two men quickly turn up and Rick's boss is killed in the shoot-up; after that Rick ends up on the run with Marianne. There are a series of chases till the fleeing duo confront their chasers in a zoo. This is a fun action comedy. The story is fairly simply but serves to provide a series of enjoyably chases and action sequences. This includes chases in cars, on motorbikes and in aircraft and action that features shooting, explosions and an impressive final confrontation in a zoo, complete with dangerous animals. The laughs come from amusing situations rather than forced gags for the most part... an early gag where Rick tricks his boss may be a little forced but it is also very funny. Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn have a good chemistry as Rick and Marianne. The villains played by Bill Duke, David Carradine and Stephen Tobolowsky are solid enough but get less screen time than one might expect. Overall this might not be a must see film but it provides sufficient laughs and action to make it worth watching if you want decent, not too extreme, action with plenty of amusing moments.

It's very noisy. Mel is constantly out of breath because he's being shot at and has to run or climb or fall. Goldie squeals and shrieks because she has done something stupid, or sees something nasty about to happen. There are chases galore....on foot, by car, on a motorbike, in a plane, in a pickup. Bullets by the million fly through the air, but only a few hit Mel, making him grimace. Funny?? Don't make me laugh! If you're over 12 years old, this is not the film for you.

Summer crowd-pleasers rarely aspire to anything more than big box office returns, but this feather-brained comedy adventure is appallingly unfunny even by its own bubblegum standards. It's less a film than a two hour package of ads for, among other products: Coca Cola, Evian mineral water, Pennzoil, the Four Seasons hotel chain, the almighty MasterCard and, of course, Mel Gibson's bare bottom, a source of awestruck admiration in at least two scenes and also the subject of one hairy close-up. It could have been worse: when the film isn't glorifying his butt it's praising another, presumably well endowed, feature of his anatomy. Never mind the sad excuse for a story; salespersons Gibson and Hawn are merely paid to meander through a series of routine chases, witless dialogue exchanges, and predictable romantic interludes, unburdened by any semblance of character, and with no chemistry between them in any case. The film is condescending (if not downright insulting) to Orientals, homosexuals, wild animals, women, the homeless, and of course anyone gullible enough to waste money seeing it.

There's a reason that "Bird on a Wire" is one of those forgotten films from the 80s. It's forgotten because it's not very good at all. John Badham is a very unpredictable director. He can turn out great films ("Saturday Night Fever," "The Hard Way") and very bad ones ("Another Stakeout"). The reason, I think, is because there is a very fine line between bad action films and good ones--if you try to explain the reasons that "Speed" works versus something such as "Hard Rain" (written by the same writer), it's hard to do. They both feature generally decent acting, generally original--and wholly unbelievable--ideas, and some good action scenes. So why is "Speed" so great and why is "Hard Rain" so bad? Some of Badham's films teeter on the brink of badness. With a few more action pieces and less funny moments of interaction between the two leads, "The Hard Way" could have suffered the fate of, say, "Another Stakeout." But it turned out to be a genuinely funny and moving comedy with two likable stars doing the best they could to make the film a winner. "Bird on a Wire" has two likable leads but little else. The plot is all routine, and totally irrelevant. It's just a way to get Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn to run across America together and crack some bad jokes. It's a reason to see Goldie in a thong (again) and Mel's hairy butt (again). It's a reason to see them make out and to see some big explosions. It's a reason to see Mel Gibson do his gay barber impersonation and to see Goldie roll her eyes a lot at him. It's also a fine reason to see one of the only action showdowns set inside an artificial jungle at a zoo housing an assortment of wildlife creatures. Who thought this stuff up? Who in their right mind ever thought it would actually work? Does "Bird on a Wire" sound interesting to you? Well, it is, to a certain degree. It's generally a decent movie--something worth watching if nothing good is on TV some late Friday night. But this is not a good rental, and it's not even something I'd want to watch again--and I'm a pretty big Mel Gibson fan ("Lethal Weapon" all the way!). Mel is the relocated witness who testified against some drug lords (Bill Duke and John Carradine) who have just gotten out of prison and are now targeting him with the help of a corrupt FBI agent (Stephen Tobolowski, who played the pesky Ned in "Groundhog Day," filmed three years later). Rick (Gibson) is going under the alias of a Louisiana redneck when his old girlfriend (Hawn) sees him working at a gas station and blows his cover. When she comes back later to check up on him, she foils the baddies' plans to kill Rick--and the two old love birds escape into the night, with Rick's real identity having been erased from the FBI records (is it as easy as just clicking a button? I hope not.). Essentially we get a lot of running and screaming and yelling and cheap wisecracks throughout the film, with an ending that stretches on too long before it just grows tiresome. It's like the climactic finale of "The Third Man" that takes place beneath the grimy sewers Vienna--except that Reed knew when to end that picture's climax, and Badham lets it go on too long. This movie could have been an exceptional road-buddy movie, but it's rather a disappointing blend of action and weak comedy that tries to take two of Hollywood's hottest leading stars (at the time) and place them together in some pointless situations. (Gibson is still one of the highest-paid stars in Hollywood--what happened to Hawn?) I would only recommend something like "Bird on a Wire" if you happen to come across it late on night on television and you have nothing better to do with your time, or if you're a particularly big fan of either of the leading stars. Otherwise, just go watch "Lethal Weapon" or "Just Like Old Times" again--they're much better, and hey, they're actually funny. 2.5/5 stars. John Ulmer

This movie rocks--so what that it's implausible, it's fun to watch! Just watch the car chase scene towards the beginning--it's more fun than most of the recent ones, (esp. when the little yellow trolley comes out instead of the train) albeit less realistic. I wish Goldie Hawn's character was smarter though, and more independent. But Mel Gibson rocks.

It must have taken Goldie Hawn about half an hour to learn to loathe Mel Gibson because I have never seen her so bereft of chemistry with her co-star. Gibson for his part seems to think he's making a sequel to the Year of Living Dangerously instead of a spoof. The result is neither comedy nor action film. And, the only drama is deciding how much longer to let the tape run before finally giving up. Bird On a Wire is scantily written, poorly cast, unimaginatively filmed with poorly choreographed action sequences. Any movie that totally wastes the talents of Goldie Hawn and bores its audience this badly deserves infamy. Golden Turkey Voters: This one needs your stamp of disapproval!

If you like Goldie Hawn ( fellas ) or Mel Gibson ( girls ) this is one not to miss. It's non stop action from start to finish and eminently suitable for a younger audience than its certificate would indicate. To see poor Mel having to switch characters each time he meets some one else is entertaining , especially when he has to appear to be "gay". How so many bullets manage to miss them both is of course down to the director, after all he could hardly kill them off !! A hilarious film, played for the most part, strictly for laughs, I wish the widescreen version was available on video.

An appalling case of mis-casting on the part of Mel Gibson ( sporting an atrocious wig) and endless gratuitous shots of Ms Hawns rear end. Horrific soundtrack that sounds like a left over from the early eighties. Add in a wafer thin plot and what you get is a colossal waste of time and money. Avoid at all costs...