I have never seen a movie so bad. It's not even entertaining enough to be a drinking game. It's SO bad, I don't even want to talk about it... and that's the whole point of this, isn't it? PLEASE. Don't bother to see this movie. 'Nuf said.

Retro Puppet Master (1999) * (out of 4) The seventh film in the series is actually a prequel to PUPPET MASTER III if anyone actually cares. The film starts off in 1944 just after the end of part three as Andre Toulon (Guy Rolfe; in his final time playing the part) begins to tell how he gained the power of the puppets. We then flashback to 1902 when the young Andre (Greg Sestero) is working Paris and gets a visit from someone with a 3,000 year old Egyptian secret. This is the perfect example where one really doesn't know if they should praise a production for trying to be something special or bash it for being dumb enough to think it could be something special. The film takes the series into a new direction in many ways but the biggest difference is that the film takes place in the early 1900s and we pretty much get a costume drama with just a few horror elements thrown in. The drama aspect of the story deals with not only how Andre got his powers but there's a love story thrown in and countless other subplots. Now, you could admire the film for trying to do this but who on Earth was Full Moon trying to fool? Not for a single frame can the low-budget film make one feel as if we're watching some high production or watching a film that is trying to tell a decent story. For the life of me I can't figure out what they were trying to do with this film. I think I'm being fair when I say that the previous films were no classics but they at least delivers some good horror elements. That's not the case here because not only do we get "drama" but the horror elements are so watered down that the film managed to get a PG-13 rating. Okay, so the studio thinks fans wanted a drama AND watered down violence? Again, I'm simply confused at what they were trying to do here unless they thought they could just overlook the fans and try to deliver this into some sort of art-house crowd. If they thought that then they're really crazy! Rolfe is pretty good in his scenes but sadly he's not used very much. Sestero is pretty bland in his part and never brings any life or energy to the film. The rest of the supporting players aren't all that memorable but I'm sure they could argue that the screenplay just didn't give them anything to do. The biggest problem with this movie is how deadly dull it is. I mean, it's not an exaggeration to say that there's not a single bit of energy to be found in any of the scenes and there's really no point in watching it.

It is great to see a new batch of puppets creating havoc in this series. I found this chapter a lot of fun. In fact, it would probably be my second favorite in the series. This movie has very little violence and is only rated PG-13. This is notably different from the other R-rated puppet master movies which were loaded with gore and violent mayhem. The lack of violence does not diminish the fun though. This film also has notably better special effects than the last movie in this series. Good.

The film follows on Puppet Master 3, but is actually also intended as the first film in the franchise, as it takes us back to 1902 when Andre Toulon learnt the secret to bringing the puppets to life. The majority of the film is set in 1902. Bad acting. Bad accents. Silly dialogue. Silly plot. Very poor effects - even for a B-movie, and the puppets are stocky and lifeless. This was annoyingly bad on every level. It is also a vessel for religious mockery. You won't miss anything by not watching this installment.

This film may have been the first Puppet Master but this sure bored me to death when I saw this stupid movie,I wanted a refund. This was a bad series to the Puppet Master and I'm sure that I am not the only one that thinks this was terrible. To some it was great but, to others it was a ticket to snores-ville and boy are they right. The puppets didn't even do anything nor did they kill people. It should't be seen by people so I'm warning you not to see it. You will be disappointed even to the fans who love Puppet Master, it was a waste of their time and it didn't make so much money.Nobody even got kill but one or two,very pointless. 1/10

Incredibly cheep garbage made fun by the Rifftrax team. Without their commentary it would have been very tough to sit through this crap. Greg Sestero from "The Room" has the lead, which must be the reason they picked this one, because most PM movies can be spoofed with ease. The fact that Sestero speaks with an idiotic French accent must have been an added bonus to choose this bad sequel as opposed to other bad sequels. This leads me to suspect that the reason he got this role is because he told the casting director that he is a fluent French speaker. (I read most of his autobiography i.e. The book about "The Room".) The puppets look more horrible than ever, as opposed to horrifying, and the "Egyptian" bad guys are the least ominous supernatural demons in the history of cinema. Based just on this laughable trio I would slap this turkey with a G rating. 3 year-olds would laugh at this movie.

This is the kind of movie that you rent when you are incredibly tired, or impaired in some other way... The acting in this movie is so bad it seems intentional, and to let you know how bad the special effects are, there is one scene when the puppets are coming alive where you can see most of a hand holding the puppet, moving it about. The movie looked as if it was filmed with a camcorder. When I saw this movie for the first time, a fistfight nearly erupted when my friends and I were calling each other names from this flick, that's how terrible it was. If you enjoy getting mad at movies, I recommend this to you, otherwise, flee as though your very life depended on it.

Very disappointing 7th chapter of this slowly dying series. Very evident that the budget was extremely low. This movie was made for one reason and one reason alone. To sell Puppet Master Toys! Fans, such as myself of the series have decided, from what I have read and heard that the only one in the series worse than this is Curse of the Puppetmaster. In turn, turning us away from the series. Opting to make this a PG-13 film, for whatever reason, did not work in the films favor. The plot seemed almost to be there, but was easily lost in the steady stream of nonsense. The only film in the series worth watching, also directed by Decoteau is part 3 - Toulon's Revenge. Granted, I do favor the scenery in the film. Yuck!

Retro puppet master This tale precedes the events of Puppet Master III, and explores the origins of the puppets themselves. Sadly, as grand a concept as this has- a story starting in Egypt in the late 1800's where the secrets of a God's power are stolen and then moving to a young Toulon running a puppet show in Paris in the early 1900s, the whole affair is a little too drawn out to fulfil it's potential. It's a shame because director Decoteau has previously directed two of the stronger Puppet Master entries- part 3 (perhaps my favourite) and 6- a fun return to form after a couple of really bad sequels. This is not to say it's a film without merit- any fan of the Puppet Master series will enjoy finding out about how it all began, the cronies of the god are fairly sinister in an Agent Smith/ Matrix kind of way, and there are a couple of new puppets to keep you entertained. The film could be described as ambitious too, considering budgetary constraints. Creating a period piece obviously creates complications in filming, so this, as with Puppet Master III, is admirable- the simplest route was not selected. On the downside, the puppets themselves move especially badly in this entry- it's a far cry from the beautiful stop-motion animation of earlier films- we really are talking about movement like a 4 year old's Barbie. Also considering these are meant to be early versions of the puppets we know and love, some of these wooden versions really miss the mark. Blade especially. When looking at the cover I actually assumed Dr Death's skeletal appearance was an early, and quite impressive, early version of Blade, when in fact he's this bizarre troll-faced puppet, with only the hair and costume in common. Quite sad really, as the puppets are after all the stars. And the male lead, Greg Sestero as a young Andre Toulon, is perhaps more wooden than the puppets. Still, it's worth renting perhaps rather than buying, (I'm not sure how much replay value it has) for those who have to know how it all began. Just don't expect anything super special.

Retro Puppet Master is complete and utter CRAP.In particular,the puppets look stupid,and crappy.The acting was unforgivable and the story was rancid.This movie goes back into the the past,where the dolls where first created,thats not Puppet Master.Retro Puppet Master is rated PG-13,the first Puppet Master to be rated PG-13.The movie contains no horror,or suspense.The fact that this movie was a Puppet Master film boggles the mind,because this installment doesnt have the buckets of blood,good acting,or any entertaiment like the previous movies did.Dont see this movie,dont rent it,and dont even watch it f its on TV,because this film is stale,not violent,and completely crappy.2 out of 10.As a Puppet Master fan,I am disappointed...seriously.