Tony Scott (Davy Williams) needs to learn Mandarin Chinese fluently in a month for a part in a movie. He attends a night class that has a couple of hot chicks including the Asian (June Lee) on the DVD cover. His friend joins the group. They can learn Chinese if they get bite by the master who is a vampire. It is part of the perks. The film was an interesting idea. The group fighting the vampires talk in MAGA style Anti-Chinese phrases. Rather than concentrate on plot they opted for an overly long fight scene for a climax. They never really developed the relationships or build any characters. Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.

Fun B movie with a really clever and funny premise. Well worth your time, we were laughing from the opening scene. It was obviously made on a shoestring but the filmmakers did a great job.

Granted, with a movie such as "Chinese Speaking Vampires", then I wasn't really expecting this 2021 to prove to be a phenomenal and outstanding cinema moment. But since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, then of course I found the time to sit down and watch it. And while I managed to sit through the entire movie, I can only claim to be mildly entertained. Writer Davy Williams didn't exactly come up with a ground-breaking storyline here. Sure, there were the odd funny moment here and there throughout the course of the movie, but it didn't feel like this was supposed to be a funny movie. So if that is the case, and "Chinese Speaking Vampires" is supposed to be a full-blown serious movie, then director Randy Kent definitely had his hands full. The storyline in this movie was just so far out there, and it definitely had potential to be one of those movies so bad they become enjoyable and fun to watch. But "Chinese Speaking Vampires" just never fully transcended into that area. Which made for a somewhat odd movie experience. Things that took place in the storyline were so far out there and ludicrous, that I didn't know if I was supposed to take it as a spoof or actually take it seriously. The acting in the movie was adequate, that definitely was one of the stronger sides to "Chinese Speaking Vampires". I will say that Davy Williams (playing Tony) and June Lee (playing Reika) were actually the two most outstanding performers in the movie. While "Chinese Speaking Vampires" was watchable, it just didn't really have what mattered, and the movie fell just short of being mediocre. As such, then I am rating "Chinese Speaking Vampires" a four out of ten stars. It is hardly a movie that you'll watch more than once.

I gathered the film makers wanted to make a bad film that is so bad that it turns out good. Instead this a dark comedy is devoid of any laughs. The only joke I could see is the one on the viewer that accidentally stumbled on this film. It is just plain bad & a money grabbing film that tries, & fails, to bring Eastern and Western film makers to crack Hollywood. It may be considered an attempt to bring back Hong Kong Exploitation films that had died out many decades ago (& that is for good reasons). This would have been rejected had it been released in that golden era of this genre. Please avoid & I wasted my time watching it so you could avoid doing likewise.

I found myself really rooting for this to be a good film. Perhaps with a better Director, and script it could have been. It had one thing going for it, an interesting concept. Sadly what could have been a great idea was let down by wooden acting with no true emotional content. A script with terrible dialogue, that only had a few good lines in the entire film. Fight scenes that had never come across the concept of choreography, or proper camera angles, or being able to sell the delivery of a shot. Then there was the exceptionally low, low, low budget locations. It looked like the entire budget for locations was for drone footage in the introduction, and only about six poorly chosen locations, a mall concourse, a bar scene, coffee shop, room for the language class, bad guys office, and warehouse. The bad guy was somewhat entertaining, and really sold his Corny Mandarin accented English speech about Dominating the World. I gave it an extra star for the corny Mandarin bad guy!!! The countering interest of an Evangelist was pretty lame. Not and extra star kind of lame, more the pathetic kind. I could go on about the action hero, his sidekicks, and his love interest, but there is really no point.

I knew going in this was going to be a love it, or hate adventure, and I loved hating it. Everything about it was bad. It was a bad martial arts movie. It was a bad vampire movie. It was a bad romance. All in a good way, and I'm sure the makers of this intended it to be that way, so that's a point in the win column. If you liked "Hobo with a Shotgun", Kung Fury", or "The Room", you might consider adding this to your list of entertaining train wrecks. The dialogue, while not a novel idea, was interesting with the switch between languages. The editing was the most professional part of the movie, and I've never said that about any movie ever. Favorite line from the movie: "You're the worst dead boyfriend alive." by Zara (Rezzan Denizmen) The script could have used more zingers like that. The "Zero Point" sign behind the receptionist sums the whole movie up. If you're looking for 80 minutes to waste, this is will do nicely.

Trailer—Chinese Speaking Vampires

Chinese Speaking Vampires