B-movies are great. Some are genuinely fine examples of how talent can shine through a low budget. Some are so bad they are, in fact, classics in their own right. And some are just complete crap. Like this one.
It's actually a film that was abandoned with some other stuff rather badly tacked on to try and make it more coherent. The first film was called Beyond Terror, or Terror Evil, or some sort of crap and by the looks of things was trying to be a showcase for special effects, while trying slightly to rip off the Evil Dead. Sadly the original film Terror Beyond or whatever looks as if it was a pile of crap anyway, but it's the tacked on bits that drag this film into the field commonly known as the chronic film.
The plot of the original film goes kind of like this: Two groups of as*holes - an older mature couple, a bitchy quasi-English woman and her hen-pecked husband, Duke (who is straight out of the Wanderers and says 'this is stupid' all the time) and his be-jugged girlfriend, and some tw*t who is meant to be zany and has a hand puppet (in case we don't know he's zany, he has a t-shirt with his face on it) - are lost after being chucked out of a party and end up in a spooky mansion. Some chick that I didn't mention find a ouijja board and turns into a demon, everyone splits up and are killed by various monsters before the boring finale, which we don't see the end of due to: plot number 2: Some old wrinkly who is a warlock sits in his spooky mansion, mumbling about his comatose bride and how he's going to get blood for her to live again. He sends this cat boy with a hook to do his dirtywork, which involves lamely trying to tie this plot onto the other one (which means holding doors closed while the actors from the original film try to get out of various rooms in the mansion. This is even worse than it sounds).
To integrate the two films: The party goers are being killed for the old tw*t's bride. This doesn't make any sense though, because there's frequent references to awaking various demons so they can live in place of the victims. Bitchy English chick gets to fight a demon straight out of Ghoulies, but the editing is so bad I thought she was fighting two demons. Ends up getting her face melted off of some thing. Duke and his missus fight some farting zombies and melt them with wine, and everyone gets to fight the Grim Reaper, who for some reason explodes. The survivors try and fight the possessed women and inexplicably begin to age, but we don't know what happens because from this point on in the movie the bride escapes from the old tw*t and gets chased around by zombies for what seems an eternity before the twist ending. By this point I was painfully aware of how much time I had wasted when I could have been finishing off the kitchen I have been building for weeks, and did indeed put a screw through my index finger shortly after as a result of watching this rubbish.
Loads of monsters. Zombies. A guy getting sucked dry by a spider woman. This all sounds good, but it's crap. The only bit to note is the youngster on the run at the beginning, who enters the mansion first, gets attacked, slashed up, and buried alive. Other than that you can just feel the minutes ticking off your life as your presented by sub-par eighties effects with awful editing to integrate the movies (a lot of the running time is devoted to that cat boy sneaking after folks, but never meeting them). The most offensive piece of the film is the zombie attack, which lasts forever and is completely pointless.
I don't even want this one in my house - it can go to oxfam.