The only thing remotely funny about this movie is the "Lesbian Vampire Killers" title. I don't know if they are going for campy fun or just using the title desperately to try to sway horny thirteen year old boys to rent this awful movie, but the movie is just terrible. They obviously are going for the Shaun of the Dead crowd by having British comics and replacing the zombies with vampires, but the jokes in this movie as well as all the actors/characters in it are just painful. I could barely manage to get through this travesty of a film, it was totally un-entertaining on every level imaginable. Main problem was the terrible writing with lazy, predictable, unfunny jokes, but the actors were also hammy and terrible. I can't believe anybody actually put money into making this film.

Moviecut—Vampire Killers

In a Small Village, all girls that turn 18 become lesbian vampires, thanks to a curse that Camilla, a lesbian vampire queen who was defeated by Baron Wolfgang Maclaren, put in the villagers many centuries ago. In the modern days, we have Jimmy and Fletch, two friends that want to do something cool on their vacations, and decide to go on a hiking in an unknown village( that of course, is the same cursed village full of lesbians vampires). At first, Fletch and Jimmy are not very excited to stay in the place, but when they meet a group of hot girls, they decide to give the place a chance. The only problems is that the girls are turning into lesbian vampires one by one, till only Lotte is left. Obviously, they will need to do something to help the other girls and to prevent Lotte from becoming a lesbian vampire as well. ''Lesbian Vampire Killers '' is a funny and silly movie. By it's title you can know what you are going to get: a B movie full of lesbian vampires, blood and nonsense! I see many people complaining about the movie, but come on! What would you expect with a movie with a title like this? It's suppose to be bad and fun! At least they are not fooling anyone! Anyway, I loved Fletch, he was the comic star in this movie, specially with his references about the gay werewolf and his frustration with women. All the girls casted were very beautiful and most of the jokes were fun too. Watch this movie is if you want to see blood, disgusting fluids and a funny nonsense film!

Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla (Silvia Colloca) in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy (Mathew Horne) is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy (Lucy Gaskell) and misses her. His best friend Fletch (James Corden) is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte (MyAnna Buring), Heide (Tiffany Mulheron), Anke (Louise Dylan) and Trudi (Ashley Mulheron) have trouble with their van and Jimmy and Fletch reach them in the forest and they offer a ride to the guys to the cottage. They introduce themselves as students of folklore and they are researching the Vampire Queen Carmilla. When Fletch believes that he will have a night of beer and sex with three sexy girls and Jimmy and Lotte have a crush on each other, the cottage is surrounded by a group of lesbian vampires that vampires intend to use Jimmy and Lotte's blood to bring Carmilla back to life. They are abducted by the vampires, but Fletch escapes and meets Reverend Vicar (Paul McGann) that tells him that Jimmy is a descendant of the baron and only hope to stop the evil curse of Cragwich. The B-movie "Lesbian Vampire Killers" is indeed an entertaining silliness with a funny story, supported by a stylish cinematography, very sexy women and two imbeciles in the lead roles. There are many good moments, and I particularly liked when Jimmy invites by chance the lesbian vampires to enter in the cottage; or the reference to a gay werewolf inclusive in the very last scene; or when Judy meets her lover at his home. This movie will certainly never be nominated to an Oscar and is not recommended to intellectuals or fans of art movie; however, for an average viewer like me that knows what might expect from a movie with the title "Lesbian Vampire Killers", he or she will not be disappointed and will certainly laugh a lot. The beautiful and sexy actresses have been very well cast by the producers. My vote is six. Title (Brazil): Not Available (only on 30 October 2009) Note: On 29 January 2021, I saw this film again on Blu-Ray. Title (Brazil): "Matadores de Vampiras Lésbicas" ("Lesbian Vampire Killers")

Just got back from the cinema after watching this. I have to say that we went along to see as it was one of those afternoons where we didn't have much going on. Well I'm glad we did because I laughed all the way till the end. I'm not going to include any plot details etc as to be honest the plot is in the title. You know if this is the sort of thing for you. Don't go to see this movie if you think the title is ridiculous. But if the idea of Lesbians, vampires and action is where you're at then this will keep you entertained, enjoy!

Of all the lame movies made by the British film industry in the past decade, LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS stands as the worst of the lot. It's a godawful wannabe comedy-horror hybrid, even worse than that film Neil Morrissey made called I BOUGHT A VAMPIRE MOTORCYCLE. Some fans of James Corden and Mathew Horne – if there are any – may get a few more chuckles out of it than I did, but I think even those with the most forgiving of temperaments are going to find this hard going. The "plot", if you can call it that, appears to have been written on the back of a beermat with as little insight as possible: two good-for-nothing blokes go on holiday to Norfolk (not that you'll recognise it) and fall foul of an ancient curse involving lesbian vampires. In fact, the plot was written around the title, but if you're hoping for a cheesy, blood-soaked B-movie in the vein of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN or TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT, then you're going to be disappointed. There's barely any nudity and the decision was made to have the vampire blood white instead of red, so any would-be splatter scenes are completely awful. Add in a bunch of models with hopeless acting and the kind of embarrassing computer effects that lace modern episodes of DOCTOR WHO, and you have a film which relies on the script to work. And work it could have, if the script had allowed for genuine laughs and warmth. It doesn't. This is 'comedy' of the lowest common denominator, obsessed with dick and boob gags and without an ounce of wit anywhere to be seen. I tend to avoid modern comedy for a reason, and the supremely unfunny James Corden is precisely that reason. What makes it all the worse is that this guy thinks he's genuinely witty and amusing, when in fact most viewers will want to bash his head in with a shovel the second he appears on screen. Given the amount of screen time devoted to this guy, watching LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS is a cinematic equivalent of hell on Earth. There isn't much else to report. Horne is less irritating, but that's purely because he's playing the straight man to Corden's so-called 'gags'. The actresses are terrible in the extreme, and what Paul McGann is doing in this mess is anyone's guess – it's even worse than Queen of the Damned. It's also worse than Beyond the Rave, worse than the terrible Fred Olen Ray vampire skinflicks, worse than anything else that springs to mind. For a genuine lesbian vampire film, you could do worse than Hammer's THE VAMPIRE LOVERS to banish this travesty from your memory.

Was lucky enough to catch a preview of this film at the London Frightfest. The first thing I thought when I saw the posters for this flick was: What a Shaun of the Dead rip off! A horror spoof featuring a wisecracking chubby guy and a skinny wussy guy? Seen that one before: James Corden is basically a blonde Nick Frost and Mathew Horne is a dark haired Simon Pegg. Nevertheless, this movie is great fun thanks to a good script that keeps the jokes coming in thick and fast and the commitment of the director to deliver the goods when it comes to lesbians, vampires and gory kills. Recommended!

So I can't understand the poor rating for this film, except to think it was marketed to the wrong people (by accident). What this film is not... 1) A horror film. There are no scares, it's not a fright fest. It's not even really what I would term "gory". 2) This is not Evil Dead, or Shawn or the Dead, but more like Army of Darkness. 3) This is not a * film, there is little nudity, but if you like to see hot ladies, barely clothed, then... What this film is... 1) Pure camp and all out laughs 2) lots of action and hilarious special effects. 3) An amazing soundtrack even for a high budget A movie. 4) Non stop memorable scenes and one liners. Based on a lot of reviews from IMDb, critics, and other sites, it seems many who watched this film expected something quite different. To me it's a modern day comic masterpiece Cordon as Fletch and McGann as the Vicar were my favorite characters. The beautiful lead vampires played by Silvia and Vera were amazing and right there as well. The rest of the cast (Mathew and Myanna especially) were also great and did just what they needed to do. This movie is fun sober or wasted. Enjoy either way just take things a little less seriously...

This film isn't intelligent (even is a cool post-modern kind of way). If you are a braying idiot who just likes base humour, you'll be in your element. It would be unfair to say this was badly acted or made. It isn't. The film is called 'Lesbian vampire killers' so the most important thing is.......it has to be FUN. This film is not. It is dull. It even fails as a party movie. When I saw this I really wanted to like it, but it's just so badly written and so misjudged that i feel kinda sorry for it. If it's aiming for tits and arse jokes, why are there barely any tits and arse? The protagonists spout blue jokes all the way through the film, but the violence is slight and childish. The lesbianism is virtually non-existent. I guess the makers were aiming for American pie meets Dracula but everything is so toned down that it becomes totally unbalanced. Like an episode of 'Goosebumps' but with two swearing cretins. Actually that description makes it sound better than it is.

The film is a continuous quote: Dracula, American Werewolf in London, Withnail and I, Ed Wood's films, Roger Corman's horror movies with Vincent Price (Paul McGann's excellent vicar's tone is very reminiscent of Price's in Corman's interpretations of Poe) and all the Hammer horrors with lesbian undertones. More than just a spoof the film is in a genre of its own being a "spoof-of-a-spoof" like few others before. This can make it difficult to understand just what the film sets out to do if one is expecting a horror, it certainly is not a horror or an action movie. The comparisons to Shaun of the Dead are also a big red herring and not very helpful, as this is a much more Post-Modern citation exercise with references far wider and in many more genres; it's not simply a case of an attempt in emulating for vampires what the Romero zombie movies did for Shaun of the Dead, but altogether a much more varied and inclusive exercise. L.V.K also takes itself less seriously to a degree than one would not believe in a feature length film, but it manages to do so in a way that is very entertaining if one is prepared to fore-go most of the expectations of what a film should be about. The writing could have been polished up further, it could have done with a final re-write to tie it all together, and this is the film's main weakness, but there is enough comedy in it to laugh every few minutes if one is prepared to embark on this journey of quotation spotting. Some of the lines are so outrageously camp that with different actors it certainly would not have worked, but the film has been brilliantly cast and even the most improbable lines are recited and acted with just the right level of irony. The sound effects are one of the strongest elements, together with the lesbian vampires' epic hair-dos which are highly imaginative and an exercise in quotations in itself, a strong effort by the art directors in what is a low-budget movie that makes no apologies for it. Phil Claydon's directing is full of enjoyment, he is constantly joking with the cameras and choices of shots that are commentaries on a commentary, further spoofing Hitchcock in the shower sequence for example. This is a film might require a specific understanding of the Post-Modern culture we are living in to be appreciated, or it can simply be enjoyed for what it is. It is neither violent nor scary, but this is not necessarily a bad thing and it might be here that lies its charm, those who will let go of politically correct preoccupations of what a film or a title of a film should be about will inevitably enjoy this light hearted comedy as it has plenty of opportunities to laugh out loud, if you are not too worried what the person next to you or the eminent critics will think of you and you just join in the fun!