y

must watch

Down on his luck night shift paramedic Jack's (an excellent and engaging performance by Jason Mewes) heretofore miserable lot in life seems to perk up after he meets and falls for lovely and mysterious young lady Danika (a fine and appealing portrayal by insanely foxy brunette Erica Cox). The only problem is that Danika turns out to be a deadly and insatiable vampire. Director Harv Glazer, working from a quirky and witty script by Tyler Levine and Tim McGregor, relates the engrossing oddball story at a steady pace, milks the hysterically funny sense of cheerfully rude'n'raunchy humor for plenty of belly laughs, maintains a likably offbeat tongue-in-cheek tone, and delivers several sidesplitting moments of inspired pitch-black comedy. Moreover, Glazer also wrings some pathos out of the doomed central toxic romance and makes a valid point that there's only so far a person can go for another person. The often foul-mouthed dialogue manages to be hilariously profane throughout. Mewes and Cox make for for winning leads, with Cox in particular a definite stand-out with her sympathetic characterization as the sweet, yet lethal Danika. Richard Fitzpatrick lends terrific support as Jack's boorish, jolly, and concerned buddy Roger. Simon Shohet's sharp cinematography expertly uses shadowy lighting to striking stylish effect. As a tasty extra plus, the delectable Mrs. Cox bears her blazing hot body with pleasing regularity. A real hoot.

I enjoyed this low budget comedy which explores the perils of having a vampire for a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that the producers of this independent movie didn't have a great deal of money to throw around, as almost the whole film takes place in a single location and in terms of special effects, fake blood and contact lenses are all we get. But the profane script just gets better as the story progresses and I ended up having a ball with it. It's as if the scriptwriter started out attempting to make a serious movie, then threw his hands up in the air and decided to enjoy himself. Much of the comic interplay comes from the pairing of two ambulance drivers (Jason Mewes and the deliciously bad taste Richard Fitzpatrick) who curse, shout and rant at the world in general. The story, about Mewes falling in love with a girl who's always hungry, is fairly by the by, and the fun lies in the execution. It's as if the people who made this knew they didn't have a great deal to work with, so they just had fun instead. A great deal of the scenes are played for titillation. Erica Cox either appears * or in an extraordinarily skimpy little top. She's certainly one of the most arresting vampires I've seen on screen. Not content with that, they throw in a brief lesbian scene as well. Mewes is fun, and that sense of enjoyment rubs off, allowing you to ignore the plot holes (why don't the drug dealers come back?) and the fact that not a great deal happens during the film after all. Sure, the ending is over-the-top and cheesy in the extreme, but as a whole BITTEN kicks the asses of plenty of other similar independent horror films.

I couldn't stop laughing, except when it Danika took her clothes off. Seriously, for fake breasts, they were nice on that tiny frame. Add to that she was a vampire... whew! Jason Mewes has come a long way from his days playing a stoner counterpart to best friend Kevin Smith's short list of comedies. I have followed his career, and I must say, after viewing Bottoms Up, The Last Godfather, and Shoot the Hero, this one deserves ten stars. The fact is, Mewes can perform. He's had excellent lessons, having starred with great actors, like Alan Rickman and Harvey Keitel. And I find it absolutely hilarious when he freaks out over her feeding and cusses her out, then pausing and going, "Get your ass up and help me clean this f***ing mess up! His paramedic friend is funny, and he shows a lot of concern. Even if the movie doesn't show it, you can suspend your disbelief and understand he cares a lot for Mewes' character. The after credits conclusion is great. I mean, I awesome that either so much time has passed that Mewes is nothing more than a monster, or that his buddy comes back after feeding time and they play checkers and talk about "anal." No matter what, though, the movie held my attention. Especially when he wraps his ex's body up to the tune of a children's "Clean-Up" nursery rhyme. Perfect.

Bitten starts as a paramedic named Jack (Jason Mewes) returns to his apartment to find a bloody & injured woman named Danika (Erica Cox) lying between some rubbish bins, against his better judgement Jack decides to help Danika & takes her to his apartment. Jack cleans Danika up & treats a neck wound she has, Jack begins to fall in love with Danika who at first appears all exotic, mysterious & beautiful. However things take a turn for the worse when Danika murders Jack's ex-girlfriend Sherry (Jordan Madley) sprouts fangs & drinks her blood, Danika is a Vampire who needs fresh human blood to survive & a lovesick Jack goes along with it at the start. As the bodies pile up & the guilt begins to hit Jack realises that he must put an end to his & Danika's relationship & put an end to her murdering blood drinking ways... This Canadian production was directed by Harvey Glazer & could be described as a dark comic horror about twisted love & a hot looking Vampire girl, while nothing amazing I did actually quite like Bitten for what it was. The script is nothing that original in the sense of a love affair between a Vampire & a mortal being that has been the plot for many a Vampire film before but there's a nice dark comic edge here with some amusing filthy foul mouthed one-liners, a few mildly amusing gags & there's a fair amount of blood splatter, nudity & sex. There's no real origin behind Danika & her Vampirism, it's never really made clear if Danika was a Vampire all the time or was turned into one during an attack. Bitten is limited in ambition, the majority of the film is set inside Jack's dark apartment & apart from the scene when Jack finds her Danika never actually leaves the apartment. At a little over 80 minutes in length Bitten moves along at a decent enough pace, it has a good laid-back vibe & is watchable if your a horror fan but there's not too much to it & it does get a little repetitive as there seems to be endless chatter about Danika & her needs. Bitten also tries to say a few things about relationship's, dependency & work but it's hardly life changing stuff. Keep watching after the end credits as there's an extra scene which dilutes the ambiguous ending a little although I am sure some will like the sense of closure. The film looks quite good, it's competent even though it's quite darkly lit. Erica Cox is a real hottie & she gets her breast's out on several occasion & for that we thank her. There are a few sex scenes including a threesome with a hot blonde which is also appreciated. As far as blood & gore goes there's a lot of blood splatter but not that much actual gore or special effects, there's a dead rotting corpse & that's about it. There's a really odd scene early on set in a shop where an obviously exaggerated Asian shop keeper directs loads of abuse at Jack for no good reason while later on Jack is sent to treat him after a robbery although we never find out if the guy lives or dies in what I assume to be a message about treating people right. There is also two bizarre scenes which are meant to be funny as Jack cleans up the bloody mess left by Danika after she feeds which are montages set to what sounds like a child's song from Barney the Dinosaur about tidying up your mess. Filmed in Ontario in Canada this looks like it had a reasonable budget, sure it's not Hollywood money but it looks quite nice with good production values. The acting is good, the two leads are pretty good with Erica Cox very attractive to go with it. Richard Fitzpatrick as Roger the comedy relief is amusing as he constantly talks about taking a crap. Bitten is a decent little horror comedy actually, it was a lot better than I thought it would be & together with some nudity & a few darkly comedic moments this turned out very watchable. Although nothing that memorable or amazing I liked it for what it was.

Although many will find fault with this movie, the naive approach taken is unique for vampire movies and the storyline places it among the top vampire movies for must see - along with Let Me In, Interview with a Vampire. However, if Dracula type story lines and high budget is more your style, you simply won't appreciate the movie. The story portrays the education and ignorance of a newly raised vampire and her new friend, neither of whom are aware of how to handle the situations encountered. The low budget is obvious and takes away from the quality of the movie for most viewers, to be sure, but watch it for the unique storyline.

There are B- grade movies . . . and then there are way, way . . . way below B- grade movies. This is absolutely one of them. Actually, this is one of those films that is so completely ridiculous and awful that it could become a true classic, sort of the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of the modern vampire genre'. I can't possibly imagine anyone connected with this project was actually serious while they were in production. They must have been having quite a party offset, having way too much fun while shooting this thing. Erica Cox is fun to watch (what a perfect name), I have to admit. In an attempt to put some sort of life into this creation, there is a bit of quasi * woven into the "plot" (I use that word very sparingly here). This could be quite fun to watch, if one is in the right mindset. Perhaps some recreational imbibement should be recommended before attempting to view this. OK . . . considering its comedy value, I could actually offer (gasp) 5 stars for this one. But be warned, this is definitely not academy award material.

Boy looses girl, boy meets vampire girl, boy "feeds" girl, boy wonders what the heck he's doing. We've seen it all before folks, nothing new here, but we've seen it done better. I've pretty much summed up the entire plot above, so there really isn't much more to add. This movie tries hard to be a comedy/horror and fails in both parts. There are no thrills/chills or really scary scenes (except perhaps to a 5 year old), the attempts at humor are all bathroom grade (literally, as one character has IBS and constantly talks about his bowel movements). Of course their is gratuitous nudity to keep the straight male audience at least somewhat interested. I've seen a hell of a lot worse movies in my horror watching career. So although I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, I wouldn't say stay away at all costs.