Trailer—Berlin Job

source: Berlin Job

source: Berlin Job

source: Berlin Job

source: Berlin Job

source: Berlin Job

I've clicked on the spoiler alert because the spoiler is this film is b*ll*x beyond belief. If you're a fan of British gangster moves this film will sadly disappoint. I lost track of the times either dialog or scenes had been shamelessly ripped off from HBOs The Sopranos. Throw in Russian mobsters, missing cocaine, football hooligans and and East End funeral complete with horse drawn hearse and you have all the ingredients for a clichéd script supported by a cast so wooden they're at risk of Dutch Elm disease. The "Nipper Harris" character (Jamie Foreman) is like a cross between Colombo and one of the chuckle brothers. The director should have gone the whole way and dressed him in a pearly king suit and swapped the cigar for jellied eels. I'm amazed that an actor of the quality of Charles Dance got involved with this. Its not as if this was poor execution of a good script with a strong plot-line. There are also some quite bizarre choices for scene settings where the main British protagonists meet their sinister Russian counterparts in a field. This is quite simply one of the worst films I have ever watched, of any genre.

The sound quality is poor, all the actors have heavy accents (London, Russian, Scottish), and there are no subtitles. As a result it is impossible to make out some of the dialogue, even for someone with good hearing. You can go back over and over some of it and you will never get it. If you are watching the DVD the plot is a bit of a mystery most of the time. A very shoddy piece of work by Metrodome, they want your money, but don't give you an adequate product for it. For example, throughout the film, every time they have a drink they use the same toast, but it is not possible to make out what they say. Just one of the many irritations.

Infamous cousins, Micky Mannock and Ray Collishaw, are at the top of their game, when their world is turned upside down, as they lose a shipment of the Russian Mafia's cocaine in rough seas. They race across Europe to attempt to stay one step ahead of the Police, The Russians, and Frank Harpers vanity....... I love watching films with Craig Fairbrass, ever since he appeared in Cliffhanger as a Cockney Geezer, he has played the same character in everything he has appeared in, and he never fails to make me chuckle. So I thought I'd hit pay-dirt with this, and thought I'd be in store for a couple of hours worth of silly swearing, Chavvy clothes, and idle threats. Believe me, I don't like these sort of films, I just watch them for their crassness, and stupidity. But then I realise its just a complete vanity project for Frank Harper, another hard man you wouldn't ask or an autograph from in real life, and it really got me thinking, how on earth can films like this and the equally bad 'Big Fat Gypsy Gangster' get green lighted? Harper casts a glamour model as his Girlfriend, who also like the fairer sex, and he gets all the best lines, and it turns from a laughable crime drama, to The Frank Harper show. Charles Dance turns up every now and again, dying a little inside saying these poor lines, and sort things out. CGI blood is awful, and in the end, its just a poor excuse of a film. But at least I found out what the Acronym POSH stands for. Frank Harper, movie maker and educator....

I was totally disappointed with St George's Day. I never expected it to be a 10/10 but did expect a whole lot better! The cast is typical of a British gangster film minus Danny Dyer and Tamer Hassan - perhaps they read the script and turned it down? Unfortunately the plot is thinner than Harper's barnet with a script to match! I would have marked 1/10 but have given an extra mark for some decent cinematography and for Vincent Regan. I hope that Neil Maskell isn't right about there being a sequel called Pancake Day!!!