ALL MY REVIEWS CONTAIN SPOILERS. EVERY ONE OF THEM.
The movie's opening scene takes place in a strip joint, chock-full of gratuitous nudity; if there even IS such a thing-- it's just a phrase I always hear wimp critics use. I have no idea how that's a bad thing. And any movie with people getting offed repeatedly is a friend of mine. State Property is that movie.
State Property, the straight to video movie, stars rapper Beanie Sigel, who is one of Hollywood's ugliest-- second only to Kevin Bacon. Beanie will ruin your day. Period. If he doesn't like you, or you don't do what he says, you're dead. Period. Broad daylight, he doesn't care. 900 witnesses, he doesn't care. You'll be out in the street chillin' somewhere and Beanie and his gang will come by, and blow your whole chest cavity out and ruin your whole day. Period.
This whole movie is one scene. One scene done dozens of times: Beanie asks someone to join his team. They say no. Beanie comes back and wets their shirts up with blood. Ruins all your plans, I tell you. This is one of those "Let's get all our friends together and make a movie" kinda movies. Let's fill it with everything that we don't have in reality (money, respect, women) and live out all our fantasies on TV. And since I, Rocky, share these exact fantasies, I have no problem with this movie.
Talk about one perfect movie. Every man in the movie who isn't Beanie Sigel gets blown away. Every woman in the film has amazon breasts and the ass of life. The movie is incoherent in terms of plot, and that's just fine with me. My attention span rivals that of a rabid goldfish, and the less plot you put in a movie, the more time you allow for people getting blown away. Lack of plot is 100% redeemed when you got people getting killed by the masses in between scenes of pointless nudity (oxymoron, I know.)
For all of you that say State Property has bad acting and a bad script, I say to all of you, WHO CARES!! If you want a great script, look for Chopping Mall. If you want great acting, rent Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama. I have seen State Property 3 times now and I am firing up the ol' DVD player for another serving as I come to the conclusion of this review. It's a gun toting revenge movie, what do you expect? I'd root for a sequel, but the whole cast is dead. Maybe the heavens will bless us with a prequel.
* * * * * out of 5.