Do or Die

source: Do or Die

1st watched 2/14/2021 - (Dir-Andy Sidaris): Pretty lame Andy Sidaris action/nudity flick. This one is about a pair of female federal agents who are being sought out by an Asian mob leader by the name of Kino, played by Pat Morita. Donna and Nichol are the agents played by Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez. They are brought into a 6-round game by the Asian to try and hunt them down. Erik Estrada gets involved as a Captain helping to protect the girls. At each level - we get to see Kino teased by his masseuse/helpmate as well as many other sexually spiced up interchanges between various characters. This appears to be the pattern in Andy Sidaris's films and we think that the attentions on the * displayed is primarily the reason for the films. The acting is pretty below par, and the action scenes are nothing special so there is not much else to focus on. Sidaris has taken "Charlie's Angels" into R-rated territory basically with this one. If this is the kind of movie you want to watch than go for it, but don't expect much.

It amazes me how far some stars fall. In this case, I mean Pat Morita and Erik Estrada. The "plot" involves two gorgeous, big-chested CIA agents being chased by six pairs of assassins sent by an Asian crime boss (Pat Morita). Seeing the guy from "Karate Kid" with thinning grey hair, sitting on the back of a gorgeous (and naked) Asian bombshell is enough to give one unpleasant thoughts. Along the way, the gorgeous CIA duo pick up six fellow agents, who conveniently ultimately make up four boy/girl duos. Seeing how much sex they have, it's a wonder they don't get assassinated. One scene has the gang hiding away at a secret house on a lake and no one's supposed to know they are there. Estrada is on duty while the women sit in bikinis in a hot tub. Among the agents in bikinis is massive-chested * star Pandora Peaks. Two assassins roar up on dirt bikes, ride out onto a dock within sight of the hot tub and pretend to be fishing. Estrada ignores them until one of the assassins shoots a flower pot instead of his target (presumably he is distracted since the sight of his scope is always focused on the women's breasts). The good guys pretend to know what they're doing. They wear disguises, fly all sorts of planes, have shootouts and car chases, but it's just window dressing to showcase their best "assets." The scene in the trailer where a female assassin in a thong slowly shimmies into a pair of tight leather pants bears this out. Also, beware the ending. It plays out like the producers expected to turn the film into a television series, which probably would have done more harm to Morita's career than "The Next Karate Kid." If you want T & A, check out "Do Or Die." If you want serious action, try "Live And Let Die" or "March or Die."

I've seen most of writer/director Andy Sidaris' movies. "Do or Die" is not the pick of the litter. The girls are dreamy, of course, but the movie seems to drag a little. It still delivers the cheap thrills I expect but for some reason this movie seems to be a little longer than its actual running time. It's not a deal breaker. It's just not my favorite.

Now I am not a fan of Andy Sidaris' movies to say the least but this is the first one in a while that I actually enjoyed in parts. The plot is once again convoluted and tedious, but that is just a staple of Sidaris' films, his fans tune in for the *, not the story. However all the scenes with Mr Miyagi are highly entertaining, he clearly could not be bothered to be in this movie and the bored look on his face made me smile every time he was on screen. He delivers his lines with beautiful conviction and at one point we get to hear his * noises, truly beautiful stuff. Apart from that there is a ninja scene which is also quite brilliant, in total this all adds up to a Sidaris movie that is actually bearable.

Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez once again essay the roles of sexpot government agents Donna and Nicole, who are targeted by crime kingpin "Kane" (Pat "Mr. Miyagi" Morita). He's sick and tired of them ruining his business ventures, so he forces them to participate in "games". He will sic supposedly expert assassins on them again and again. Fortunately, the girls have allies such as Erik "Ponch" Estrada on their side, as well as a cool gadget or two. Andy Sidaris certainly never set out to make "high art". That said, there is something comfortable about the rigid formulas of his destined-for-cable-TV adventures. They're like comfort food, or a well-loved old pair of shoes. You know what you're getting: gorgeous, bosomy babes, equally gorgeous scenery (this was filmed on locales such as Hawaii, Las Vegas, and Louisiana), various action scenes and stunts, copious amounts of sex and nudity, and those aforementioned gadgets. "Do or Die" is pretty much a solid example of what Sidaris did so well, with name stars like Morita and Estrada playing their roles adequately, and the physical assets of ladies like Speir, Vasquez, Cynthia Brimhall (who also belts out a catchy country & western ditty), Pandora Peaks, and Carolyn Liu placed front and centre. (You'll see how Ms. Peaks got her stage name.) There's even time for a fair amount of disarming humor, to show that Sidaris never did take any of these movies all that seriously. To that end, Richard Cansino and Chu Chu Malave play one of the teams of inept would-be assassins; they pretend to be Cajun chefs as their cover. The final team is a useless pair of ninjas played by James Lew and Eric Chen. Lots of dumb bad guys - and good guys who always end up miraculously untouched - add to a "good" dumb fun movie for people looking for sex appeal and cheese. Six out of 10.

I confess to getting this on DVD due to my favorite model Pandora Peaks having been cast in a small role. It wasn't til I started watching it that I saw both Erik Estrada and Pat Morita in it and was surprised to see them both. This is a true roller-coaster of a ride, really all over the place, from the desert to Hawaii to the woods of Louisianna, it really covers a lot of geography from a small production for the video market. Casting buffed guys and sexy gals as secret agents, more or less acting without any support against villains right out of The A-Team or some other 80's show, this had tons of female flesh, explosions, and even helicopters chasing cars. Also, the funniest part is that every agent had time to make love to their counterpart and there were a lot of clothing changes for the women. Likewise, Pat Morita as the villain was hilarious, and his assassins some of the lamest assassins ever filmed. But it works for me.

"Do Or Die" begins with a colorful tribal dance. Hawaii was always one of the favorite locations to shoot for Sidaris. This time, a gangster boss challenges the Lethal Ladies team: He'll send 6 pairs of killers against them, and to make it impossible for them to hide, he uses a computer tracking device. "This is gonna be easy", one of the killers says - of course a fatal mistake. Among the playful variety of assassins, my faves are the cooks from New Orleans who work on their accent and try to poison our heroes - a brilliant comedy interlude in between the sex and the violence. Of course Dona Speir and her friends have some gadgets as well, including a small model helicopter which can fire missiles. Boom, there goes another villain, and I can't say I regret one minute I spent with this entertaining production. This is the 6th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order.

The sixth in Andy Sidaris' series of Playboy Playmate/CIA agent extravaganzas is probably one of the most entertaining, although the story actually makes more sense than usual -- which robs it of some of its camp value. (Part of the fun of Andy's movies is trying to make sense of his unnecessarily convoluted plots, which he gleefully admits to cranking out in longhand on legal pads in "about four days.") Asian crime boss Pat Morita (so that's what happened to Arnold after he left "Happy Days"!) puts out a hit on CIA bikini-stuffers Dona Spier and Roberta Vasquez, which basically sets in motion Sidaris' take on "The Most Dangerous Game," except we've got Erik Estrada and lots of nudity thrown into the mix. It's all utterly silly, but so funny and do with so much zest that you can't help but get a big kick out of it. In many ways, it's actually better than the James Bond films of the same period (ugh! Timothy Dalton!). "Do or Die" makes its DVD debut on March 25, 2003.