source: Golden Needles

source: Golden Needles

Golden Needles begins with an elderly asian man being treated to various needles that literaly rise both him - and his member - back from the dead, at which point his grinning harem guides him out of the room just in time for a group of flamethrower-spraying masked troopers to kill every single person with fire. That's how you start a movie. As for the actual film, well, various groups are fighting amongst themselves to gain possession of a very special statue that has golden needles within it. If they inserted in the right areas on a man, he will gain super sexual skills. Or die, if things are done wrong. Director Robert Clouse made Enter the Dragon and this finds him teaming up again with Jim Kelly, along with 70s sex symbol - I mean, I guess - Joe Don Baker. God bless American-International Pictures for making this movie and getting the cast they did, which includes Elizabeth Ashley (Windows) as Baker's love interest and one of the people who wants the statue, Burgess Meredith as the * man painting bad guy and Ann Sothern as a brothel owner. You have to love a movie that has the credit "Jim Kelly's Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself" and then realize that that fight is filled with * men trying to take a shower and their rear ends being used for comedy. This movie is just the way I like them: filled with Joe Don Baker love scenes, karate and a PG rating for a film that starts with fire murders in a massage parlor.

''Golden Needles'' was one of American International Pictures 20 year anniversary releases. A mixture of the then-popular Martial Arts genre with a ''Maltese Falcon'' like plot, it's a fast-moving, popcorn movie, the kind they used to make in the 40's. Starring Joe Don Baker (''Walking Tall'') and Elizabeth Ashley(''Rancho Deluxe''), the film spins an actionful tale, set in the seamy section of Hong Kong.Baker is a soldier of fortune-turned Antique Dealer, (or, maybe the other way around) who is hired by a mystery woman (Ashley) to steal a priceless ancient statue with the power to bestow long life (and sexual vigor) or instant death to he(or she) who owns it. Ashley herself has been cheated out of the statue by a powerful Chinese gang leader Roy Chiao) and she's after it for HER employer (a wizened Burgess Meredith, having a ball with his eccentric character). Karate star Jim Kelly (''Enter The Dragon'') appears briefly as Baker's partner in the Antique business. The legendary Ann Sothern is also aboard,and she's fine as another of Baker's pals, the tough but good-hearted proprietor of a seedy bar. Beautiful Frances Fong is around as well, as an agent for the Hong Kong government and also in pursuit of the statue.Double-crosses, fights, chases and mayhem ensue, but though the plot has more than it's share of threads, it is never confusing, thanks to ''Dragon's'' director, Robert Clouse, who treats it like the old-fashioned ''B'' movie it really is. Though produced on a low budget, as was the case with most American International movies,it looks like every penny spent is on the screen. The location photography is excellent, as is the classy art direction, and both lend plenty of atmosphere to the story. The sets are also impressive,one in particular at the start of the film, is very reminiscent of the witch's lair in ''Suspiria'',but it pre-dates that film by 2 years. High praise goes to Lalo Schifrin's pulsating score as well. Though Meredith and Sothern were obviously added for their name value and have little to do,they, along with the rest of the cast seem to be enjoying themselves immensely,and if the viewer can suspend disbelief a bit and just go along with the story, they will, too. Previously available only in Canada, on a pan-and scan videotape, ''Golden Needles'' was released on DVD as part of the ''MGM DVD ON DEMAND'' series. It's presented in it's original Panavision format, with rich color and strong (if a bit grainy) picture quality. The sound is always intelligible,though slightly distorted here and there. But, all in all, it's a welcome release of a film that's been sadly neglected over the years. And one that may now get the attention it deserves.

There is a statue that everyone is after, because inside it are the golden needles - acupuncture needles that, if placed in exactly the right spots on the body, can turn any man into a superman (according to the poster's tagline, they can rule the world). Since Felicity (Ashley) isn't willing to buy it for 250,000 dollars, she hires Dan (Baker), an adventurer based out of Hong Kong, to get it for her. He agrees, and brings on board his friend Jeff (Kelly) to help him out. But it's not going to be easy, because everyone from Lin Toa (Chiao) to eccentric millionaire Winters (Meredith) is hot on the trail of this mysterious statue as well. Every trick in the book is used to obtain the statue, including inexplicable teams of guys in gold protective suits with flamethrowers torching where they think it is. Will Dan and Jeff prevail? Man, we're really getting tired of these PG-rated actioners. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with that rating, but you can't really pull out all the stops. While there are some fights and some intrigue, and even some mild torture (inflicted on legendary actress Ann Sothern of all people), the film lacks drive and is filled with...well...filler. For example, Jim Kelly is painfully underused here. He doesn't show up until 47 minutes in, and does one very brief fight. Even the end credits say "Jim Kelly's Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself". Fight SEQUENCE? This really shouldn't be in the singular. There should have been multiple Jim Kelly fight sequences. But we are treated to some Joe Don Baker-Fu, and it's nice to see him looking so young, and, by his standards, vigorous. While the film is shot very well and has a nice Lalo Schifrin score, and a cast of familiar faces, it's really hard to overcome the slow pace. It would be perfect for a young kid who wants to see an action-type film, but it seems a kid would be bored by much of the proceedings. So the film is caught in a bind. Yes, it was directed by Robert Clouse, who has a lot of famous films to his credit, but Golden Needles was not released on VHS (at least not in America) during the heyday of the video store, so it never had a chance to become a cult classic. Not that it definitely would have, but it never even got a fighting chance. This happened a lot with AIP (American International Pictures, not Action International) movies. I don't know if it was rights issues or just bad business practices, but a lot of their movies didn't get the attention they deserved during the VHS era. This was just one of those casualties, it seems. And, in the final analysis, despite the presence of Burgess Meredith and his awesome bowties, Golden Needles is Saturday afternoon stuff which left a lot to be desired and, sadly, is ultimately unsuccessful. It's not without some merits, and we've seen much, MUCH worse, but ultimately it did not deliver the goods. for more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Despite bringing together a newly-born film star – Joe Don Baker, fresh from the box-office smash, WALKING TALL (1973) – and action director – Robert Clouse, of ENTER THE DRAGON (1973) fame – this a lamentably lackluster martial arts flick about the search for (or rather the chase after) a bronze statue which contains seven golden all-curing acupuncture needles which is craved by various parties. Baker is a retired detective slumming it out in Hong Kong who is hired by an enterprising ‘cowgirl’ (Elizabeth Ashley) to look for the titular commodities on behalf of her mysterious employer. Baker comes in possession of the statue early on in the game but it is subsequently stolen from the house of an old Asian teacher of his who is murdered; consequently, he teams up with his colored partner Jim Kelly (saddled with an Afro hair-do typical of the era) in L.A. to go after the bad guys – with a little help from a butt-kicking Asian policewoman and her colleagues. Hollywood veterans Burgess Meredith (as the villainous old businessman who seeks immortality) and Ann Sothern (as a Hong Kong madam who takes punishment like a man to protect Baker) bring some much needed spice to the largely indifferent proceedings.

Joe Don Baker headlines in this Robert Clouse directed, minorly interesting tale concerning the hunt for a priceless golden statue that reveals the hidden acupuncture points that will when stimulated, rejuvenate any man into a super stud! Well it's certainly an intriguing plot device to be sure but the film itself is a sadly decidedly minor effort and is furthermore, mostly unengaging throughout. Although fans of Jim Kelly may initially scramble to get hold of this to see the great man in action, I should warn you all that he actually hardly features in this and only gets to show off some of his skills in one sequence (which is decidedly badly staged I might hastily add at that). Still to be fair, having stated the above negative points the film does have a rather good final twenty or so minutes and features a rather exciting chase sequence wherein our hero is pursued through narrow streets by an angry mob who are baying for his blood. Certainly not one of director Clouse's finest moments (nor it's stars for that matter) but may just about merit a watch if you are a Clouse completest. Note: I've got to commend the casting of the beautiful Frances Fong as Shu Lin - although not a great actress by any stretch of the imagination, her stunning beauty absolutely shines like a diamond in every single scene she appears in.

One of the more goofball artifacts of 70's martial arts action film nuttery. A golden idol that serves as a model for special acupuncture needle placement is sought by all parties, both good and bad. The lumbering, leaden anti-charm of Joe Don Baker, probably by now most famous for the awful "Mitchell" keenly eviscerated by MST3k, drains so much of the potential of what could have been a much more enjoyable "Mac Guffin with Kung Fu" fun fest. Elizabeth Ashley does well in a somewhat one-dimensional role, much less thankless than all the Asian actors, who are either generic Baddies or Damsels-in-Distress (or ass-kicking Damsels). Burgess Meredith seems to be having a lot of fun here, and fortunately livens up many of the scenes he has with Joe Don, Mister Anti-Charisma. If they had just thrown in Scatman Crothers and Anthony Zerbe, you would have a Seventies jackpot. The insane fight scene in the health club/gym or whatever it was, featuring a bunch of naked old guys taking a shower, boggles the mind, but hey, that were The Seventies, when anything that goes did. And show me another film with both Ann Sothern and Jim Kelly in it. I don't think you'll find one. Yes, if you haven't heard of this one, this is a ridiculous way to waste 90 minutes. But you will enjoy making fun of this.

In 1973 director Robert Clouse was given the job by Warner Brothers to direct a martial arts movie. At the time this genre of film was being imported and playing in grindhouses on the famed 42nd Street of NYC. No one thought that this film would do much. Then again they always had a way of underestimating the star of the film. The movie was ENTER THE DRAGON and its star was Bruce Lee. Clouse only had a few titles that he'd directed and after this one he was suddenly the go to guy for martial arts movies in the US. Among his credits are BLACK BELT JONES, FORCE FIVE, BATTLE CREEK BRAWL, GUMKATA and GAME OF DEATH, the film Lee died on during its making. But two films after his biggest hit Clouse directed a movie that should have been a hit. It had martial arts, a star who was coming off a hit movie himself and a few other name stars as well. Sadly GOLDEN NEEDLES never took off. But it's available now from Kino Lorber. The film opens with a narrator explaining what the needles are. Held in place in an ancient Buddha statue, the needles have the ability to sexually invigorate the person they are being inserted into if placed correctly. If done wrong, they bring about an excruciating death. The human pincushion here survives but just as he's about to have his way with several women two bad guys break in torching the place and all within while stealing the statue and the needles. Fast forward to the current situation where a woman named Felicity (Elizabeth Ashley) is trying to acquire the statue. As she is about to pay for it the owner raises the price on her. Sent by a mysterious backer she'll do anything to get the statue. Talking to her representative in China he suggest they use the assistance of his partner, a man who not only knows his way around town but how to burgle as well. Enter Dan (Joe Don Baker). Dan is the stereotypical American in the orient. He stands above everyone around him, he's loud and he's always looking for a good time. He takes on the job and handles the burglary with ease. But then things get out of hand. His partner sets the statue up to be mailed to the buyer in the US but is killed by the men who had the statue. Unsure of which package had the actual statue, Dan and Felicity now return to the states to make sure the package arrived. It turns out the buyer was an eccentric millionaire named Winters (Burgess Meredith). The statue did arrive but unfortunately it was the wrong one. Angry at this problem he gives the pair the chance to redeem themselves. They only have an allotted time to recover the statue and bring it to him or face death. If all of this wasn't enough the story tosses in some Chinese police, marital arts star Jim Kelly as Baker's friend and a number of chase and fight sequences that will keep action fans happy. Through it all Baker seems like he's having the time of his life. Ashley gives a believable performance here although her golden days were behind her as a star. The truly odd thing is thinking of Meredith as the one trying to locate the needles. Just imagining him using them for their intended purpose can make one cringe. It's easy to see that this film is no ENTER THE DRAGON. Most of the films Clouse followed that one with never were. It's hard to replace someone like Bruce Lee. But it is and entertaining action flick that will keep fans of 70s movies happy and Baker fans pleased that they can fill out their collection of his films. Here again Kino Lorber is showing their willingness to give life to a movie many probably thought would never see the light of day again. They're offering it on blu-ray with a brand new 2k transfer. In addition to that they're including extras like a new audio commentary track by film historians Howard S. Berger and Chris Poggiali, newly commissioned art for the cover by Vince Evans, radio spots for the film, TV spots for the film and image gallery and a collection of trailers. Congratulations for Kino Lorber for stepping up on this one.

Director Robert Clouse's career has been overshadowed by 1973's "Enter the Dragon" which was in part, an attempt to incorporate elements of Chinese and Hong Kong cinema into the American formula. Some two decades before John Woo et.al made the leap to Hollywood, producer Raymond Chow (head of Golden Harvest) teamed with Clouse many times in the 1970s, repeatedly spiking cross-cultural martial arts and detective actioners. "Golden Needles" was another such attempt to fuse American and Hong Kong action film conventions: this film being a comedic, actionful, fantasy version of the classic "Maltese Falcon". Joe Don Baker starred as an American in Hong Kong, who for a favour and a price, attempts to track down a priceless idol. This idol is one of the strangest McGuffins in the movies: it is pierced by needles in a specific pattern, and if the acupuncture is performed on a man, in the same pattern as marked on the idol, renewed sexual vigour results. Thus, it is sought after by all manner of older men (including Burgess Meredith in one of his funniest roles). Whilst meant as entertainment, the film succeeds also as one of the strangest treatments of the theme of drug addiction so prevalent in 70s American film, and even Clouse's other work (especially "The Amsterdam Kill"). Boistered by an excellent, comical, music score by Lalo Schifrin, featuring piercing sounds to mimic the acupuncture motif, the film is an immensely enjoyable generic hybrid, free from pretension, and a shining example of B-movie pleasures. Self-consciously, and never heavy-handedly, Clouse uses the genre conventions to frame a study of the US cultural appropriation of foreign practices (the Asian connection being the supplier of heroin ironically enough). Progressively weirder and with a protagonist whose easy-going sense of adventure becomes ever more sobering as he proceeds, this film is a true oddity, and all the better for it. Clouse's handling serves as a neat reminder of the time when he was still an innovator in B-movies, instead of the mere imitator he had become by the beginning of the 1980s.